Post by Gambit Green on Jun 25, 2006 16:38:09 GMT -5
*OOC: I used this in a previous e-fed. Can't remember the name of it though.....
John Melendez: It’s the Tonight Show with Jay Leno! Tonight’s guests, actress Scarlett Johansson, professional wrestler Gambit Green, music from Nine Inch Nails! Plus Headlines! And now.....Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Lenoooooooooooooooooooo!
Gambit sits in the greenroom, watching the live feed on the monitor, Jay is shaking hands with the audience in the front row. Soon the crowd dies down and Leno begins his monologue. The greenroom door is thrown open and Tyler Durden storms in. He’s wearing a Tonight Show hat, shirt, and letterman’s jacket and is holding a bunch of pamphlets with the NBC logo all over them.
Tyler: Oh man, this kicks complete ass! We’re getting so much free stuff it’s not even funny. I’ve already met Bob Costas, Scarlett Johansson and the guy from Will and Grace. This is so frickin’ sweet!
Gambit: You’ve already met Scarlett?
Tyler: Don’t worry you’ll meet her out there. I can’t believe I’ve never been to New York before. This place rocks!
Gambit:......Um, aren’t we in Los Angeles?
Tyler thinks for a minute.
Tyler: Dammit. Oh well. We’ll be in New York for Brawl. I’m working on getting us a spot on Conan, too.
Gambit: Do we really need all this? I mean, I could have stayed at the house show and said the same stuff I’m gonna say here.
Tyler: It’s not about that, man. It’s about getting in touch with the mainstream America. Nobody knows who you are, nobody gives a damn who Gambit Green is. I barely give a damn who Gambit Green is. Nobody gives a damn about the wrestling community. And as part of the wrestling community, you are a nobody. And Jay Leno is going to make you a somebody. And he’s going to make me a lot of money.
Gambit: Whatever you say. I just want this to go by quickly. We have to fly cross country tonight, which I am not looking forward to, by the way. I hate planes.
Tyler: Planes are fun. Just like this show is going to be. So just go out there and don’t be the douche bag that everyone’s used to. Be as fake and funny as you can be.
Gambit: I am not a douche bag! A bastard, a son of a bitch, maybe, but not a douche bag.
Tyler: Oh, trust me, buddy, you are a douche bag. This is going to be so awesome. And make sure you mention my name at least once during your interview.
Gambit: Yeah, sure.
We cut to Jay Leno, sitting behind his desk, the applause from the audience once again dying down. He taps the surface of the desk with a pencil.
Jay: Alright folks, my next guest is one of the newest sensations in professional wrestling. He started in Las Vegas, but is now representing the Destron Wrestling Federation and his group, the Degenerates. Please welcome Gambit Green!
Kevin Eubanks signals to the band and they play Gambit out from behind the curtain. His eyes adjust to the bright lights and meets Jay half way, shaking his hand and waving to the crowd. Gambit takes a seat next to Scarlett Johannson.
Jay: Welcome, Gambit.
Gambit: Wow, it’s, uh, it’s bright in here.
We cut to later in the interview, the crowd is busting up laughing, and Gambit is about to deliver the punchline.
Gambit: And he said, “Do you love me?”. And she said, “No. But that’s a real nice ski mask.”!!
The crowd, Jay and Scarlett are all laughing hysterically. Gambit is laughing too, but is obviously faking.
Gambit: You like that, huh? Is that funny? You think that’s funny?
Everyone is still laughing.
Gambit: Yeah, you laugh it up, ya bunch of jackasses!
They laugh even louder. Eventually, the laughter goes away enough for Jay to ask his next question.
Jay: Alright, well, you have a show this week. In Long Island.
Gambit: That’s right.
Jay: And who is your opponent going to be?
Gambit: His name is Benny Rodriguez.
Jay: Like the kid from the Sandlot?
Gambit: Uhh......yeah. Holy hell I never noticed that before.
Jay: So is he a good guy or what?
Gambit: Yeah, he’s a good guy. I got a lot of respect for him, he’s done way more than I have, he’s been around longer than I have and he’s actually the leader of a faction that’s sort of the opposite of mine. And I guess we’re at war with each other, I don’t know. I’m just kind of in the middle of it all. Benny is a World Champion.....oh sorry a former World Champion. But he’s probably not worried about that. He’ll be champ again someday. And so will I.
Jay: You also mentioned something about the complete chaos that’s been running rampant in the DWF right now.
Gambit: Hell yes. People’s wives are being kidnapped and every show we have ends up with everyone in the ring beating the crap out of each other. It’s like no one in the front office knows what they’re doing. I wouldn’t be surprised if at least a dozen people are dead after Monday’s show. But not me though. I’m a survivor. I got a good idea of where we could put the blame though. On Systematic Destruction. Everything was going fine until they came along and screwed everything up. What good have they done?
Jay: I wouldn’t know.
Gambit: That’s right. And neither does anyone else. Let me put it this way, Jay. They started it, but we sure as hell are going to finish it.
Jay: You don’t suppose next time you’re around California, you could get me some tickets.
Gambit: Absolutely, Jay. You and Kevin are always welcome.
Jay: Well, thanks for being here. Gambit Green everybody! We’ll be right back with Nine Inch Nails!
The crowd applauds and the red light goes off, signaling that the recording is done. Jay shakes Gambit’s hand.
Jay: Thanks again for being here. We really appreciate it.
Gambit: The pleasure was all mine, Jay.
Tyler comes out from behind the curtain and walks up to Gambit. The crowd has already started to file out into the lobby for a break.
Tyler: You didn’t mention me. Why didn’t you mention me?
Gambit: Slipped my mind.
Tyler: Next time. Okay, we got a flight to catch to New York in about an hour, we need to leave now if we’re going to make it to LAX on time. Hi Jay!
Tyler turns around and starts chatting to Jay. Gambit’s eyes wander around the studio. The crowd is completely gone. Except for a man with long blond hair pulled behind his ears, in a flannel over shirt and ripped jeans. And he’s watching Gambit. Gambit shields his eyes from the bright lights, but the blond man is gone. He looks at his watch.
Gambit: Come on, Tyler, we’ve got a flight to catch.
He grabs Tyler by the arm and heads back toward the greenroom to get his bags.
John Melendez: It’s the Tonight Show with Jay Leno! Tonight’s guests, actress Scarlett Johansson, professional wrestler Gambit Green, music from Nine Inch Nails! Plus Headlines! And now.....Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Lenoooooooooooooooooooo!
Gambit sits in the greenroom, watching the live feed on the monitor, Jay is shaking hands with the audience in the front row. Soon the crowd dies down and Leno begins his monologue. The greenroom door is thrown open and Tyler Durden storms in. He’s wearing a Tonight Show hat, shirt, and letterman’s jacket and is holding a bunch of pamphlets with the NBC logo all over them.
Tyler: Oh man, this kicks complete ass! We’re getting so much free stuff it’s not even funny. I’ve already met Bob Costas, Scarlett Johansson and the guy from Will and Grace. This is so frickin’ sweet!
Gambit: You’ve already met Scarlett?
Tyler: Don’t worry you’ll meet her out there. I can’t believe I’ve never been to New York before. This place rocks!
Gambit:......Um, aren’t we in Los Angeles?
Tyler thinks for a minute.
Tyler: Dammit. Oh well. We’ll be in New York for Brawl. I’m working on getting us a spot on Conan, too.
Gambit: Do we really need all this? I mean, I could have stayed at the house show and said the same stuff I’m gonna say here.
Tyler: It’s not about that, man. It’s about getting in touch with the mainstream America. Nobody knows who you are, nobody gives a damn who Gambit Green is. I barely give a damn who Gambit Green is. Nobody gives a damn about the wrestling community. And as part of the wrestling community, you are a nobody. And Jay Leno is going to make you a somebody. And he’s going to make me a lot of money.
Gambit: Whatever you say. I just want this to go by quickly. We have to fly cross country tonight, which I am not looking forward to, by the way. I hate planes.
Tyler: Planes are fun. Just like this show is going to be. So just go out there and don’t be the douche bag that everyone’s used to. Be as fake and funny as you can be.
Gambit: I am not a douche bag! A bastard, a son of a bitch, maybe, but not a douche bag.
Tyler: Oh, trust me, buddy, you are a douche bag. This is going to be so awesome. And make sure you mention my name at least once during your interview.
Gambit: Yeah, sure.
We cut to Jay Leno, sitting behind his desk, the applause from the audience once again dying down. He taps the surface of the desk with a pencil.
Jay: Alright folks, my next guest is one of the newest sensations in professional wrestling. He started in Las Vegas, but is now representing the Destron Wrestling Federation and his group, the Degenerates. Please welcome Gambit Green!
Kevin Eubanks signals to the band and they play Gambit out from behind the curtain. His eyes adjust to the bright lights and meets Jay half way, shaking his hand and waving to the crowd. Gambit takes a seat next to Scarlett Johannson.
Jay: Welcome, Gambit.
Gambit: Wow, it’s, uh, it’s bright in here.
We cut to later in the interview, the crowd is busting up laughing, and Gambit is about to deliver the punchline.
Gambit: And he said, “Do you love me?”. And she said, “No. But that’s a real nice ski mask.”!!
The crowd, Jay and Scarlett are all laughing hysterically. Gambit is laughing too, but is obviously faking.
Gambit: You like that, huh? Is that funny? You think that’s funny?
Everyone is still laughing.
Gambit: Yeah, you laugh it up, ya bunch of jackasses!
They laugh even louder. Eventually, the laughter goes away enough for Jay to ask his next question.
Jay: Alright, well, you have a show this week. In Long Island.
Gambit: That’s right.
Jay: And who is your opponent going to be?
Gambit: His name is Benny Rodriguez.
Jay: Like the kid from the Sandlot?
Gambit: Uhh......yeah. Holy hell I never noticed that before.
Jay: So is he a good guy or what?
Gambit: Yeah, he’s a good guy. I got a lot of respect for him, he’s done way more than I have, he’s been around longer than I have and he’s actually the leader of a faction that’s sort of the opposite of mine. And I guess we’re at war with each other, I don’t know. I’m just kind of in the middle of it all. Benny is a World Champion.....oh sorry a former World Champion. But he’s probably not worried about that. He’ll be champ again someday. And so will I.
Jay: You also mentioned something about the complete chaos that’s been running rampant in the DWF right now.
Gambit: Hell yes. People’s wives are being kidnapped and every show we have ends up with everyone in the ring beating the crap out of each other. It’s like no one in the front office knows what they’re doing. I wouldn’t be surprised if at least a dozen people are dead after Monday’s show. But not me though. I’m a survivor. I got a good idea of where we could put the blame though. On Systematic Destruction. Everything was going fine until they came along and screwed everything up. What good have they done?
Jay: I wouldn’t know.
Gambit: That’s right. And neither does anyone else. Let me put it this way, Jay. They started it, but we sure as hell are going to finish it.
Jay: You don’t suppose next time you’re around California, you could get me some tickets.
Gambit: Absolutely, Jay. You and Kevin are always welcome.
Jay: Well, thanks for being here. Gambit Green everybody! We’ll be right back with Nine Inch Nails!
The crowd applauds and the red light goes off, signaling that the recording is done. Jay shakes Gambit’s hand.
Jay: Thanks again for being here. We really appreciate it.
Gambit: The pleasure was all mine, Jay.
Tyler comes out from behind the curtain and walks up to Gambit. The crowd has already started to file out into the lobby for a break.
Tyler: You didn’t mention me. Why didn’t you mention me?
Gambit: Slipped my mind.
Tyler: Next time. Okay, we got a flight to catch to New York in about an hour, we need to leave now if we’re going to make it to LAX on time. Hi Jay!
Tyler turns around and starts chatting to Jay. Gambit’s eyes wander around the studio. The crowd is completely gone. Except for a man with long blond hair pulled behind his ears, in a flannel over shirt and ripped jeans. And he’s watching Gambit. Gambit shields his eyes from the bright lights, but the blond man is gone. He looks at his watch.
Gambit: Come on, Tyler, we’ve got a flight to catch.
He grabs Tyler by the arm and heads back toward the greenroom to get his bags.